Transformers! Robots in disguise! Run forwards! Shoot your guns at guys! Transformers: Age of Extinction is an irritating movie game tie-in so I shouldn’t have had high expectations but it managed to disappoint me in basically every way imaginable. The core mechanic involves traveling along a straight road while several grey robots stand in your path. The way to deal with this threat is to either dodge them or shoot them. Oh and you can jump over barriers, like in the movies yeah? Remember those two-hundred roadblocks Optimus Prime has to jump over to save the earth?
It feels a lot like a tarted up version of game-and-watch and that’s not a compliment. It’s just so dull. I’ve played transformer games and mech games aplenty but usually there’s something worthwhile to prevent instantaneous loathing. I thought nostalgia might make me secretly enjoy it while I mocked it but nostalgia wasn’t enough to cover up the downright sloppiness of the game’s design. It’s a bore and it has all of the nuisances of games that typically squat at the top of the list: push notifications nag me to play it and you’re encouraged to spend money on worthless shit to boost your powers.
Pictured: A game better than Transforms: Age of Extinction
After about two minutes of churning through waves of generic enemies, you start to question if life is worth living. I wish I could transform. Maybe I could transform into a blender or an iron and get left alone in a cupboard somewhere. I could spend my time in blissful solitude, preparing food once a year like a sentient robotic Santa. I’d enjoy it even more if I could have the ability to turn other people into awful devices. If an old lady cut in front my at Lidl, I could transform her into a Samsung Galaxy Fame and cackle at her obsolescence.
One thing that also bewildered me was that I didn’t see any robotic dinosaurs in this game and I was hoping to see grimlock or at least something lizard-like. Why is it even called Age of Extinction? I imagine there are actually dinos if you stick with it but frankly I’d rather watch Jurassic Park and Short Circuit back to back. At least that way I wouldn’t wish I was a blender.
Actually, the single most disappointing part of this game is the transforming. You have the ability to turn into a car and they could have done loads with that mechanic. What they chose to do was make you go a bit faster. Oh, and if you have the cheek to get slapped by an enemy then you transform right back. It doesn’t feel even remotely worthwhile or fun to transform. It’s like the ability to do so was an embarassing afterthought. There’s no reason why this couldn’t be the coolest part of the whole game.
For an example of a game that does transforming well and is incredibly fun, pick up Future Cop: LAPD on the PSN or buy a PS1 and buy the disc off your gran. If the singleplayer campaign starts to feel a bit rough, try out a multiplayer game but on yer own, Sky Captain awaits.
Don’t install Transformers:Age of Extinction, it’s rubs.
Games Whinge 