Plenty of people have criticised the pokemon universe for it’s barbarism and shameless cruelty, typically complaints are lobbed at the enslavement of pokemon, a clearly sentient species. Towever, that’s not the only way the universe is deranged. Here’s a brief appraisal of the common status effects which plague the poor beasts during battle.
1. SLEEP
Sleep in non-human animals refers to how the behavioral and physiological state of sleep, mainly characterized by reversible unconsciousness[1]
What kind of sleep constitutes “slumber”? Reversible sleep. Exactly the kind of sleep Pokemon aren’t affected by during battles, because they can’t be nudged back into consciousness. Not only that but they can be attacked and physically damaged to the point that they can’t wake up. This doesn’t sound like sleep to me, it sounds like paralysis.
2. PARALYZE
Paralysis is loss of muscle function for one or more muscles. Paralysis can be accompanied by a loss of feeling (sensory loss) in the affected area if there is sensory damage as well as motor.
Oh yes, pokemon can be (temporarily) paralysed. Any trainer who doesn’t pull a paralysed pokemon back into its slavery sphere is must be some kind of sadist. “Oh no antagonist trainer, my pokemon is merely unable to move its limbs. Please continue to beat it senseless.”
3. BURN
A burn is a type of injury to flesh or skin caused by heat, electricity, chemicals, friction, or radiation.[1]
Fair enough.
4. POISON.
Toxins are poisons produced by some biological function in nature, venoms are usually defined as toxins that are injected by a bite or sting to cause their effect, while poisons are generally defined as substances absorbed through the skin or gut.
Venom/poison pedantry aside, this ailment represents pure villainy from any trainer who uses it. Ignoring all other barbarism, pokemon battles are meant to be gentlemanly pursuits ideally. Why then, is it socially acceptable to poison another persons pokemon? It’s an effect that persists beyond battles, causing a lasting, pervasive state of unnecessary suffering.
“Hello fellow pokemon enthusiast, your Koffing has poisoned my Charmeleon, do you have anything that might help cure it?”
“Fuck you, it’s your problem now.”
5. CHARM
Seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person, to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; to corrupt, to persuade or induce to engage in sexual behaviour.
Okay, again… this doesn’t really seem like a status effect. It’s not something you’d think could be suddenly employed during battle. I suppose that if you were a Pokémon and another Pokémon batted its eyelashes at you instead of trying to remove your intestines, you might be temporarily disinclined to fight back. I doubt Pokémon want to become bloodthirsty drones for their captors. Trainers must have hearts of ice.
6. FROZEN
Hypothermia (from Greek ὑποθερμία) is a condition in which the body’s core temperature drops below that required for normal metabolism and body functions. This is generally considered to be less than 35.0 °C (95.0 °F).[1] Characteristic symptoms depend on the temperature. In mild hypothermia there is shivering and mental confusion. In severe hypothermia there may be paradoxical undressing, where a person removes their clothing, as well as an increased risk of the heart stopping.[1]
So, if you actually froze, your body functions would cease. You’d die. Instead, the condition Pokémon get exposed to is more likely to be hypothermia, which is still fairly capable of causing death. Surely the only reason this status effect is even legal is that it’s comparatively rare. I doubt deaths get reported much. From the wiki article it seems like the most common aspect of hypothermia is actually confusion.
7. CONFUSED
The term, “acute mental confusion”[1] is often used interchangeably with delirium[2] to describe a pathological degree in which it usually refers to loss of orientation (ability to place oneself correctly in the world by time,[3] location;[3] and/or personal identity[3]) and sometimes accompanied by disordered consciousness (loss of linear thinking)[3] and loss of memory (the ability to correctly recall previous events or learn new material).
Ah, now this seems like a good old fashioned case of mental breakdown. Probably a result of repeated brain trauma from events where Pokémon get paralysed, burned, frozen, beaten or poisoned.
I think it’s safe to assume that everyone gets confused from time to time but it’s rarely the case that someone would punch themselves in the face as a result. Surely Pokémon would just forget where their keys are or wonder why it has to fight for beings that would happily leave it for centuries inside of a computer. No wonder confusion is one of the most common effects.
Games Whinge 